Tag Archives: parenting

Stop Making Excuses, They’re Not Babies!

“He’s just a little boy…” MY ASS

Especially for us older folks, think back to what you were doing and what you got away with before the age of 16. Saying what he did, it’s no different than saying “I’m going to build a bomb and blow up the school”.

I use that example specifically, because a kid I went to school with (I was in 10th with his sister, he was in 9th), blew off most of his hand while building a pipe bomb to blow up the math building because the teacher ruined his perfect 4.0 and gave him a B. This is before the video games, before the mass shootings, before YouTube, before public access to the Internet, Jackass movies, or anything else you want to point a finger at.  This happened 38 years ago.

I knew a lot of people who got away with a lot of shit back then (and since) and a few that got caught… including myself. I’m sure that if this exact situation would have happened with any of the other mass shooters, their parents would be saying the same damned thing.

And if he is just blowing smoke and making idol threats like that, he needs to be taught a fucking lesson because clearly, it’s not going to be taught by you. How many times have we seen kids committing suicide only to find out that they were getting messages from others telling them to kill themselves because they’re worthless, etc?  And then to have no consequences?  I’m sorry, they’re not babies.

How many 15-year-old young adults (because that’s what they are) have already had sex? How many already have children?? Clearly, they’re not babies and have to live with the consequences of their actions, so why shouldn’t a kid who’s threatening to shoot up his school with an M-16?

Our job as parents is to raise functional adults.  Period.  The quicker people get their heads out of their asses and recognize the responsibility that they volunteered for, the better off this entire country will be.  No more “they’re just children…”, “kids will be kids” or “boys will be boys”.  These are excuses for bad behavior, and if you are making these excuses for your offspring then clearly you’re not doing your job right.  There are three stages of human development, and only three.  They are infants, toddlers, and adults-in-training. 

Everything they are taught… at home, in school, or by the media (TV, Internet, games, social networks, etc), shape who they will be and how they will be as adults.  Our job as parents and mentors, is to teach them, in a safe environment where they can fail and learn from it.  Evaluate what they did wrong, change/adjust your methodology, and try again . 

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” is not just Newton’s Third Law of Physics, it’s life.  Don’t throw a punch with anything less than the expectation of getting punched back, or suspended, or arrested, or whatever.  Everything in life has consequences, some good, some bad, but to let a child grow and learn that they’re immune from consequences is not only irresponsible, it’s dangerous, and it can kill.

Maggie  

 

Someone is falling down on the Job, and it’s not who you think.

I got up too early this morning.  As usual, I was checking out Facebook over my first cup of coffee or tea and something really caught my attention.  It was a Facebook post by a woman I’ve never met named Julie Marburger wrote this and a friend of mine shared it.

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Julie Marburger’s desperate plea to get people to do their job.

This really fired me up.  The closest I’ve ever been to teaching was in Girl Scouts (both girls and adults), which is a one-shot 1-2 hours, a weekend of teaching leaders how to take their girls camping, none of which is equivalent to someone in a classroom with 30+ kids for a 6-1/2 hours with, if they are lucky will equate to about 4 hours of actual learning because of disruptions and the critical to get them refocused and on track.

When the bell rings they are not done then spend the next few hours (and time at home as well) putting together lesson plans, grading papers, reading essays, creating tests and other handouts, and shopping for supplies they need for themselves, their classroom, and their students.  All that and a crappy paycheck too!  It’s no wonder why districts are running short on educators. This is how Julie articulated her point…


 

This is yet another example of why I don’t believe in children.  They are adults in training, as a parent, it is your job to prepare them to live and function in society when they turn 18.  

The word “children” is continually used as an excuse… They’re just children…Kids will be kids.  Let me be the first to say this if you haven’t heard it already, kids will not be kids, kids will be adults.  Sooner than you think.

If they cannot survive independently they will be the ones living in your basement until they’re 30, can’t hold down a job, can’t maintain a relationship, all because YOU ARE FAILING THEM AS A PARENT!  

Seriously, how can you even consider sending them to college if they can’t handle basic life skills?  And if you think they’re irresponsible now, just wait until keggers and beer bongs are introduced to them.

When you send your child to school, they are there to learn.  It is your job to teach them respect and proper behavior before they leave home to go to school. The more a teacher has to correct bad behavior, that is time away from teaching them what they need to know.  

It is not a teacher’s job to raise your child. It’s not daycare, it’s not a damned circus and it can’t be a free-for-all. Do your job so that your child can succeed in life, and don’t blame a teacher for your child’s poor behavior and inability to pay attention, respect materials and learn.

The more that caring educators get burned out and leave the more the requirements to be hired will lessen in order to get people into the classrooms and the more your child will be taught by people showing up for a (meager) paycheck.  This too is why we’re seeing more online schools will become the norm because a teacher can take 60 students instead of 30, the algorithms can help grade test and the teacher can get more done while at work because they won’t have to keep kids in line and focused.

You know those people who work the drive-thru that don’t give a damn about their job or your order? If things like this continue, prepare to see them on Parent/Teacher night.

 

{{{hugs}}}

Maggie ॐ 

My Epiphany For Social Change

I want to precursor this by letting you know that I actually wrote this about 10 years ago.  It’s just as relevant now as it was then.  I probably should have sent it to the White House as a petition.

If any of you have any ideas or connections to make this happen, or make it better, by all means, let me know and feel free to share this.

A little back story… My ex-husband (Kid’s biological father) was ordered to court when she was 5 so we could start receiving child support.  He never responded to or complied with court information requests for job and income information.  The child support order was written based on minimum wage (which was $4.25 at the time).  Truly, each time there was a minimum wage increase I should have gone back to court to have it adjusted.  I, however, didn’t feel it worth the time since he wasn’t paying it anyway.

President Clinton signed into law a bill making it a felony to flee the state to avoid paying child support.  Shortly afterward, I discovered that he moved to Kentucky.  I called child support enforcement and was told that they couldn’t go after him because even though we were separated we were still legally married.  (I was not able to collect government assistance including him in our ranks however because we didn’t live together.  See a little problem there?  I know I did.)

Fast forward our story to about 3 years ago.  All of a sudden I start receiving small child support checks.  To this day I’m not sure if a) he just ran out of under the table jobs, b) he finally stayed at a job long enough for the support order to kick in or c) lost track of time and thought she was too old to have to pay child support somehow thinking it goes away when they get older.

The checks lasted a couple of months (every two weeks) before child support finally issued me one of their new debit cards.  Then the payments stopped.  Over the next year, I would get one randomly here or there before they stopped again altogether.

Well these sporadic payments triggered an audit and I was required to go to court several times and of course, he never showed up.  After almost 14 years of non-support and arrearages of over $20,000 (remember, this was based on $4.25 an hour) child support they decided that it was the time that an arrest warrant was issued and that he should go to jail.

I asked the attorney when he goes to prison does the state pay the support on his behalf?  No.  So let me get this straight… he hasn’t willingly contributed to the raising of his daughter at any opportunity, he owes me over $20K and now I have to support him during his incarceration via my tax dollars???  In addition, when he gets out of prison he’ll have a record making it even more difficult for him to get a job?  How does this help me, our daughter, him, anyone really?

I know that mine is not the only side of the coin on this issue.  I know that many “deadbeats” are classed as such, not because they don’t want to take care of their kids but because they can’t.  Poor job markets, unfair support orders (ones favoring the child/ren with the ex but not factoring in the children living with you because you don’t have a support order for them since they live in your home), support orders that don’t allow enough left in your check for you to live on but if you get a second job they’ll take that too, etc…

So here’s the epiphany… open the draft to “deadbeat parents” after say, one year of non-support.  Don’t wait for 5, 10, 15 years for things to get so out of control.  Here’s my reasoning…

By being drafted into the military, the draftee’s pay is based on the number of dependants guaranteeing that all parties are covered and no one is getting the short end of the stick.

All parties would be covered by insurance.  Sadly, even if an employer does offer insurance the cost is even more prohibitive when you have child support being deducted from your pay.  In addition, life insurance is also part of the package making sure that your child will continue to be taken care of on your behalf should something happen to you before they reach 18.

Being in the military is recession proof as well as lazy proof.  You can’t get laid off or fired.  Your job will never be outsourced and your hours will never be cut.

Being in the military is salaried position so there are no fluctuations in pay making it difficult to pay a set support amount if you miss a days work.

Being in the military will offer the opportunity for you to learn a trade and/or go to college.  Most Americans can’t afford to go back to college once they take on the financial responsibilities of a family.  This tends to add to the frustration because this is where we truly see the value of an education at its fullest as an adult. We now “get it” that we need the degree to get the better job to better support our families.  The military allows you to do both without you or your family starving and/or becoming homeless.

I realize this is a two-sided coin.  There are those that would find the miliary as a deterrant and that’s fine.  Do what you have to do to keep from being drafted.  For others out there, this would be a welcome solution and a means to get on track as opposed to prison which will have negative ramifications for the rest of your life.  By and large I believe this could be the most proactive step our country could take to reform a system that isn’t working.

Please give me your feedback and let me know what you think.  If you really like the idea, share it with others – including people in position to make change.

Maggie

Spread the Word, Lend a Hand

** Update**  Christion Isaac-Alexander Shaw  6/20/09 – 12/18/14   Please consider helping with this fundraiser to help with the arrangements and passing on this story of Christion and his life.  Thank you – Maggie **

 

Sorry that I haven’t posted in a while.  I have been experiencing many life changes, most positive… a new relationship, new additions to the family with more on the way, a little travelling with a whole lot of visiting, etc.

Today’s post unfortunately is not so upbeat.

Today we’re stepping up to a window into the life of an incredible single mother and her two sons… a one seven-week old named Cameron and the other a five-year old named Christion who has muscular dystrophy.

 

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This is my friend KaShonda and her boys.  Christion is 5 years old and has Nemaline myopathy Muscular Dystrophy.  He’s a great kid.  He laughs and plays and watches TV… loves Handy Manny and was completely enamored with being able to watch PBS Kids on my iPad and snuggling with me while Mom and I got to spend time together.  In many ways Christion is just like any other 5-year-old.

 

 

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Then there’s all the special extras that do not surround a typical 5-year-old… oxygen, suction to clear his lungs, a belt that provides air pressure that simulates pounding on his back to loosen the mucus in his lungs, wheelchairs, monitors, pulse oximeters, etc.

While as a country we’re trying to get kids away from the happy meals, Christion has never had one and probably never will.  Christion doesn’t eat, he has a feeding tube directly into his stomach with nutrition that comes in a pouch.

 

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Christion doesn’t have babysitters or daycare, but has home nurses.  In fact KaShonda even went to nursing school just so she could not only be better prepared to take care of her son but so that she would be able to work at home with him.  It doesn’t get anymore incredible than that, truly a devoted mother.

Sadly just a few short weeks ago, Christion’s health once again took a down turn when he developed pneumonia and wound up in the ICU.  Finally improving enough to be moved out of ICU, you can see that spirits were high.

 

Tickle time!
Tickle time!

 

Later this very same day, November 28th, Christion coded.  Medical personnel worked on him extensively to revive him but he was down for 12-13 minutes.    This is Christion right now…

 

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Heartbreaking is the only word that applies and yet that word doesn’t go deep enough.  He is 5 years old and should be writing letters to Santa, not hooked to monitors unresponsive.  His Mom should be trying to sneak in presents to surprise him with, not crying bedside in a hospital room, praying for her son.

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Then there’s Cameron.  For those who would say that thank God the 7 week-old is “normal”, they are incorrect.  While Cameron is quite healthy he is in no way normal.

Seven week-old babies should be in their mothers arms, not bounced around to relatives so his mom can keep her vigil at Children’s Hospital.  Cameron should have a big brother that can teach him to throw a football, intimidate kids who try to bully him, teach him how to date, how to drive and be his best friend.

UPDATE:   While the CT scan and EEG’s looked promising, an MRI has shown that Christion has suffered massive trauma on his whole brain and the prognosis is not positive and family is preparing for the inevitable.   Prayers are still needed for this family, for strength and courage to help them along their difficult journey.  Any donations would help considerably.  Please consider sharing this post or the fundraiser page to help.

Donations for Christion

Donations for research can be made to:

Muscular Dystrophy Association
National Office
222 S. Riverside Plaza, Suite 1500
Chicago, Illinois 60606
888-HELP-MDA
(888-435-7632)

 

If your children are healthy, give thanks.  Not just once, but every day.  Life is fragile and it can be short.  Please take the time if you can to help a friend or neighbor who may need that extra hand.  Consider donating to research to continue the fight for a cure for this and other diseases and disabilities that hurt children and torment parents.  Even a few dollars a month can do a lot of good.

Have a safe, happy and healthy with your family and please join me in #PrayersforChristion.  Please share this story and allow his story to open hearts and maybe a wallet or two.  We can’t have too many people praying for him or sending positive energy their way.
{{{hugs}}}

Maggie

And The “Mom of the Year Award” Goes To…

That would go to Ashley, Ryan & Adam’s mom!

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Ma’am, I don’t know who or where you are but there are parents all over the country that are saluting your genius as we speak.  I do believe that my own mother would have taken you out to dinner and bought you a drink if she were alive today.

Wifi Password

Keep doing what you’re doing!

{{{hugs}}}

Maggie

Picky Eaters? Choosy Moms Choose Paleo.

Picky eaters can put parents over the edge.  (Along with Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, friends with kids, etc.) The kids that only want to eat three things for dinner but junk food is fair game.  You know the child.  They could be yours, a niece or nephew, your bff’s kid, but we all know at least one.   We try to introduce new foods.  Look at magazines for help, but when they show you a hot dog cut as an octopus, it’s really no help because it’s still a hot dog…. Make some thing with asparagus, now that will impress me!

I was blessed with a child who loves vegetables but even she had her moments.  When she was about 2-1/2 my mom tried giving her creamed spinach.  From then on just the word brought on near PTSD flash backs of the incident. Then she discovered lasagna Florentine and wedding soup.  When she asked what the green stuff was I thought quickly and answered “Italian parsley”.  And so it stayed for several years.   At 23 my daughter is still an avid vegetable eater and a great cook because she’s not afraid to try new things or combinations.  To the point that my husband and I will only eat Brussels sprouts if she’s cooking them!

The goal is to get them to eat and to eat well.  Not junk, but well balanced meals.  Of course there’s bribery, eat your dinner and you can have dessert.  But for those of us who really are trying to eat healthy, we really struggle with offering desserts.

In my opinion, one of the joys of parenting is trickery.  Getting away with something in front of your kids is empowering.  Don’t believe me?  Tell me you don’t have a cheesy grin when your child comes running into the room to tell you that the tooth fairy came, right?  Admit it.

So what if they’re clawing tooth and nail to get at dessert and dessert is actually good for them?  I know, the possibilities are mind blowing really.  That’s where paleo comes in.  Even if you don’t follow the diet and just want to make some healthier choices for you and your family, paleo desserts are the way to go.  The key here is to NOT let them help in the kitchen (normally I’m down for having them right there with you, but subversive activity requires secrecy.)

So what is “Paleo”?  Its a plant and meat based diet.  No grains, dairy, soy or legumes.  It’s become very popular and it’s very good for you.  It’s perfect for the person with food sensitivities (lactose or gluten intolerance, allergies, etc), autism, diabetes, arthritis, etc.   Needless to say to maintain no grains, dairy, soy or legumes, cooking and recipes can get quite creative.

banana cinnamon chocolate chip muffins

I mean sure, you expect bananas in these delectable Banana Cinnamon Chocolate muffins.

….but no flour? (by TaylorMadeItPaleo)

 

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But what if I told you these brownies had no flour or nuts and was made with sweet potatoes?  (by EatDrinkPaleo) Do I have your interest now?

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What if I told you that these frosted cupcakes…. (by LivingLowCarb),

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... and this smooth and delicious chocolate pudding (by HowSweetItIs),

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… and even this creamy delicious milkshake (by MeaningfulEats),

… all have avocados in them!  Oh yeah, and they’re dairy free!

We’re always hearing about how avocados are so good for you, packed with nutrition, but unless you make guacamole or put them on a sandwich or salad, can be at a loss on how to eat them.  These are great ways to get what your body needs while providing what the mouth and mind want as well.  🙂

Okay, so I’m also going to mention that sometimes it’s not the kids that are picky… it’s the adults.  It’s the husband that needs to cut a few pounds or the aging parents that have developed a bit of a sweet tooth that can also be hard to feed too.  Trying to argue with an aging parent about desserts sometimes can be like asking for a kidney.  If you’ve done it you know what I’m talking about.  If you haven’t done it, just wait.  These can be the perfect desserts to give them the extra nutrition they need without the carbs, calories and filler they don’t.  Drop over for a visit and bring dessert and leave the pan.  Tell them you made extras and you thought they would like them (or better yet, that the kids didn’t need that many sweets in the house LOL).  Remember when they made you eat liver?  Now’s your revenge.  Enjoy!

Hugs!

 
Maggie
 

Giving Thanks Every Day

I just found a fabulous frugal craft on Snail Pace Transformations.   (Btw, I LOVE your name!)  It is a gratitude journal, a place to log a sentence or two of what you were thankful for every day.  This is number one on my Christmas list this year, very inexpensive and yet very personal.

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I admit that I am one of those people that sometimes have to work at staying positive.  Sometimes it’s very easy for me to get caught up in the tide instead of just enjoying the beauty of the beach so I look for little things to keep me on the path I choose.  I saw this craft and I jumped.  Whether its a gift for friends and family or just for yourself, its a great way to just a a minute a day to give thanks for what you have.

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It all starts with dollar store calendars, the kind that show one week at a time. Like this…

I love the thought of making this part of my bedtime ritual, just a sentence or two of what I was thankful for today. Instead of going to bed dealing with the stresses of the day, fall asleep relishing and reviewing what you had to be thankful for.  Positivity breeds positivity.  And imagine making this a bedtime ritual with your child, even if a young one is not yet ready to write, it makes for a great dialog as you tuck them in and how it can shape them for the future.

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Then you can cover the outside with contact paper, your favorite pattern of duct tape or personal art.

Not only does it help in the training of a positive mind, but can you imagine being able to look back and read these a year, 5 years or 10 years down the line?  To bring back all those wonderful memories and feelings of days gone by.   Imagine your kids stumbling upon one of these once you’re gone and getting to remember all the best of you, with you.

Giving thanks isn’t just for one Thursday in November.  Spread the word.

{{hugs}}

Maggie

Online Sewing Class

Update:  I just found this great video that I just had to share.  It ties in with this project so beautifully and really gets your wheels of creativity going.

Let me know what ideas you have!