This blog is dedicated to simple living and for me it’s more than just non-toxic cleaners, but non-toxic people as well.
I read a fabulous article today about “The 4 Excuses We Use to Hold on to Frenemies”. A great read, true in every sense. We all have toxic people in our lives at some point. Some are easier to eliminate than others. I think we all get to a certain crossroads with people in our lives where we have to remove them or ourselves for self preservation.
I started a few years back in my own “people diet”, trimming those from my life who generate negativity. My suffering has been minimized and my joys have increased. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to allowing people to treat me badly, so everyone now and again, I have to stop and assess my relationships.
- Do I need to give more time and energy to make this relationship work?
- Does it cause me or the other person more anguish than joy?
- Is this relationship one sided? Am I the only one putting in effort?
This may sound odd, but sometimes you need to evaluate.
I see people every week on Facebook ranting about how they’re tired of “the drama” but won’t take the steps to remove it from their lives or to remove themselves from the situation. Why? Because we’re taught that quantity rules over quality.
I, like most people, have only a handful of people I’m close to, yet according to Facebook I have a couple of hundred friends. In the grand scheme of things, I really don’t care for that word when it comes to online socializing. These folks are not friends, they are my acquaintances; they’re people I’m friendly with but really are not friends with in the truest sense of the word.
My handful of friends are there, through thick or thin, through hell or high water, no matter what and I know it.
I was reminded of that again just last week at my going away party. Of the 80 or so that were invited from my “friends list”, only the handful came. At first it bothered me a bit, until I realized that I was being greedy for quantity over quality. Something we all tend to defer to from time to time even though we know it’s quality that matters.
Those that came are the people I will be coming back to visit and who will coming to see me. We will stay in touch and check on each other because we care that much about each other and their spouses, children, etc. These are the people who can bring a smile to my face sitting in a room next to me not saying a word or who can make me laugh while I’m crying my eyes out and I can do the same for them. These are my friends. These are who matter.
My true friends are the permanent mountains on the landscape of my life. The rest are just clouds… they drift in, drift out, sometimes they make the day pretty and let the sun in, sometimes they block the sun and just bring storms. Funny thing about mountains, they’re always there, always strong. Sometimes the clouds obscure your view of them, but you can have faith they’re right there.
My mountains are the people who never stir drama just to watch others suffer, who only build me up and encourage me. They provide shade and shelter from the storms of my life and strength when I am at my weakest.
Friendship, marriage, relationship… all the same thing really.
They take time and they take work but they are so worth it. Don’t try to appeal to the masses, spend your energy bringing quality to those who bring it to you. Remember that the only person you can force to be a good friend.. is you.
Look at the landscape of your life. Find your mountains and just let the clouds drift by. Enjoy the scenery of your mountain chain and the joy of simple living will be yours.